Ideas! Backs of envelopes and paper scraps

Great ideas can come at you at any moment. They can, but for me they usually don't - they knock at my mind when I'm wandering around, shopping, and very often when I'm on the top of a bus. The muse kisses me when my body's in motion, either propelled by me or by transportation where I have spare capacity (my mind can wander); buses, planes and car rides where I'm a passenger.

At such moments, I reach for a way to capture the gem and often have nothing at hand for the task. It shines so brightly in my mind I'm foolishly and adamantly sure I'll be able to carry it with me until I can write it down. Then half an hour later, only the embers remain. I know I had an absolute doozie, There's a tantalising warmth where it was, but the detail and shape and form of it have gone. Poof! Back to where it came from. Half the time, with effort, I can recall it, but even when I do, a day after the initial excitement and recall, then it's gone forever.

In the past, I would sometimes scrabble for a piece of paper. I have a special box honestly labelled 'SCRAPS OF PAPER'. I know it has my scribbled ramblings for story ideas. I also have one of those mini tape recorders that lawyers and journalists used to use. It has a nifty feature that stops the tape spinning when there's no noise for it to record. Useful for an analog system like that. Now I tend to use my phone. I can stop in the middle of the street and look like a complete d*ck, effusively rambling a series of sentences, usually going to great pains to give context and an example. I'm well aware that like those ideas scribbled down in the middle of the night after an enlightening dream, the notes make little sense in the morning. At best they are the rumbly ramblings of an incoherent mind, and at worst the frothings of a lunatic (no disrepect if you are mad - it happens).

Here's one I recorded on my phone:

Voice recording 3. Hansel and Gretel and their dog, Buster. Introduce a dog to the story. How does this pan out?

Seemed vaguely interesting at the time. I'm not sure in what way Buster would enhance this popular tale. I think maybe it was to soften it up a bit, as it's a bit of a dark old yarn. Well, fairy tales are a bit dark and nasty, aren't they? Maybe the dog was used to help them find a way out of the forest, or fight wolves or it turned into their mother; in which case a cat might be a better choice. But in that moment when the idea hit, it was absolutely clear. Trumpets sounded; the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I had it! The holy grail of story ideas: Hansel and Gretel and their dog, Buster!

Humn (?)

Here's another:

Voice recording 26. Post apocalyptic Stone Henge. Like a stone structure idea. End of the world. A guy uses all of his time to make a new stone circle.

I quite like his one. I can see him there wasting his time, building this thing, using the last of his fossil fuels to hew stone slabs from a quarry and transport them miles and miles. It could have a tragic ending (as opposed to the finales of those millions of endlessly optimistic and uplifting post-apoc stories).

Sometimes, I'll get an idea when I'm at the kitchen table, and then I treat myself to a rummage to find an envelope. Ah, there's nothing better is there? It's slightly ripped and grotty with a stain. Both obstacles can be avoided if you can find a pen that works. You know as well as I that you'll end up using a crayon or a felt tip.

'What you doing?' my wife will ask.

'Story idea,' I'll say cryptically.

Her silence usually helps to stun my enthusiasm.

Now here's the big, big thing. It is a big thing. Even the most remarkable ideas. The ones you think are worthy of chiselling out of stone, encasing in acrylic and locking away in a safe. They are all only a seed. The seed must be planted and nurtured and cultivated and cared for and worked upon and allowed to grow. It has to be fed with time and effort - often money. You must invest your life into this promising idea. Your valuable life. Your valuable life will ride on the back of this rollicking good idea.

Boy it better be good. Man, it better be good.

Because if it isn't, the muse will be sat there laughing at you.

'That's another sucker with a dud idea. Ha ha.'

Here's MY big idea. Take those seeds, however slight, and work your ass off. Prove her wrong.

Hey, there's a premise for a story! Pass me that crayon. Quick!